And then I went on retreat.
The emotions from the event had subsided, but I still had a desire (which I honored at this point) to keep my distance from the person who hurt me, even when it came at a difficult price.
I thought that I would have to do some in-depth work on what had really happened, I thought it would take a little longer.
Then, in my second session on the first day of the retreat, when I had planned to meditate on something completely different, the demon appeared, with everything he had to say.
Years of studying under the guidance of an extraordinary teacher, and various types of practices that I received in a one-time transmission from that wonderful teacher, allowed me to observe the true nature of that demon.
After all, I don’t have to be an overly advanced practitioner to understand that for there to be harm there, I need to be there, to be harmed.
And what does that mean?
Simply, those words would not have hurt as much (or maybe not at all?) someone who was not sensitive to what was said.
In other words, those words met me at a place where I was already sensitive to this kind of statement.
A great Buddhist sage, Master Shantideva, taught:
Where would you find a piece of leather so large
that would cover the face of the entire earth?
The leather on the sole of your shoe
is equivalent to covering the entire face of the earth
And that means I cannot cover all the things, people, and events in my life that could hurt me.
I don’t have a piece of leather that is large enough for that.
What can I do?
Wear shoes.
What I should work on is not silencing the voices outside, preventing others from saying things that would hurt me.
And yes, even if that’s the choice at first, not avoiding those people because of the possibility that I might get hurt.
This is how we develop defensive behavior that prevents us from living life to the fullest.
What I need to do is look inside, see clearly what hurt me so much,
and heal that place so that it doesn’t hurt if I encounter a similar situation.
This is called building mental resilience. But in order to do it right, without shutting off, without closing the heart, it is necessary to do it wisely.
But it takes courage.
And I have it.
So what did I see there?
Continue reading in part 3..
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