A few months ago, my son Roey first heard Eminem’s hit “Stan”; A song at the end of which a fan’s identity is revealed. On one of our joint trips after that, we listened to this song that had already entered Roey’s playlist, and Roey said: “How I wish I could hear the song again for the first time…”.
And it happens a lot in life, this desire to experience things again, for the first time – with the excitement, the surprise, the promise that exists in every event and person that comes our way, once we don’t meet them with a bag of expectations and prejudices.
Because the truth is, with this baggage we meet almost every event and person that comes our way. Well, forget the “almost”.
We sin in this when in every encounter with those close to us, and also with those less related, we arrive biased by our perceptions of them from our past experience.
Even when we have no personal acquaintance with them, we immediately find some parameters according to which we can organize them into an appropriate category of expectations and assumptions.
Natural? Yes.
Desirable? Not really.
Changeable? Not easily, but worth the effort.
Because you understand, we also meet ourselves with a similar attitude, which actually, on the one hand, limits us to a pattern that is within the framework of what we expect, and on the other hand, places us under criticism if we do not meet expectations.
And with this attitude, we also turn to the world.
Meeting myself for the first time
So as always, let’s start with us, because that’s where it all begins.
Think of a situation where you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, smile at the person in front of you, and lovingly say to them:
“Good morning, remember that you can be whoever you want! I wonder how you will surprise me today!”
Sounds a bit New Age kitsch, but don’t fall for that. Try to stay with it for a moment, and think about the enormous potential that such an announcement, such a promise has.
Think about the freedom it allows, the creativity it opens up to us, when we don’t have to play the role we’ve always played, and which has become our default, but we have the option, every morning (and actually every moment) anew, to choose the person we want to be.
And it won’t be easy, because we will fall into our old habits. So what?
Master Shantideva, a (very..) wise Indian sage advises: Have you fallen in battle? Get up, shake off the dust, and move on.
Try it.
And friendly advice, leave the judges out.
We are so afraid of the reactions of others to any of our behaviors that are not as expected, to the point that we do not realize that all these “others” who supposedly judge us, are our reflections; we are the ones who fear change more than anything – not just change, transformation.
Meeting the others for the first time.
Now think of someone dear to your heart – it could be a child (an excellent choice in my opinion for this exercise) a life partner, a sibling or a close friend, and think of the enormous gift you could give them if you met them at every encounter, without your opinions, your beliefs, your expectations of them, simply an encounter that allows them to be who they choose to be.
Because then, even if they disappoint you, it is not based on a history of disappointments that you have with them. And truthfully, we can handle one disappointment, right? Years of disappointments, well, it’s a little more challenging.
Think of a situation where your every response is only relevant to this particular encounter and does not stem from a history most of which you don’t even remember.
Such an attitude can change our lives, no less.
The spiritual practice invites us to be here and now. If you think about it, there’s really no other real place we could be.
The presence here and now, without our story about it, opens an opportunity for real, direct interaction.
It allows a real acquaintance with who I am, with who the others are, in the only moment that exists – the present moment.
We really like to be “experts”. We love this place where we “know” and “understand”. And, the double quotes are not accidental.
But the more we “know”, the less open we are to experiencing what life offers us, and we simply recycle the life we’ve already lived. as simple as that.
It is very convenient to run back to our stories about ourselves and others – it is familiar, it is safe, and even if the stories are unpleasant, they are ours.
But the invitation is to do exactly the opposite.
Don’t be afraid to let go of the stories, and come to the world, and to every interaction it offers to us, with a beginner’s mind.
Because from there you can start learning, growing.
And this is what life is all about, really.
Mindful Education 