Accepting (and loving?) what is  

One of the cornerstones of mindfulness is presence in the present moment. Even more than that, it is about presence which is compassionate, benevolent and accepting of everything that appears in my world at this moment.

But what if I really don’t like what the current moment has to offer?

Problem.

And here, for the sake of discussion, we will divide “what the present moment has to offer that I don’t like” into situations in which I face a significant difficulty that causes me suffering, and general dissatisfaction with my life.

And let’s start with the last one, this restlessness which often accompanies our lives and does not really allow us to enjoy the things that we ourselves have chosen to fill our lives with.

And we can feel this restlessness at work, at home, with friends or in any other frame of reference and it usually stems from two situations:

1. I don’t get something that I want – appreciation, position, possessions or anything else that I believe will contribute to my happiness or at least temporary joy. 

or that-

2. I get something I don’t want – and the list here can be similar or different, only that I believe that these things will make me feel the opposite.

In any case, there is “me” , and there is something that I want that I believe will bring me happiness, or something that I don’t want that I really believe will cause me suffering.

And I might be right about that, and I might not. 

But in any case, whatever it is it is what it is, now.. 

And you now, it might also be that the consequences of whatever is happening depend on me more than I am willing to believe.

What do I mean by that?

That usually, whether the thing will cause me happiness or suffering depends much more on how I will react to it than on the thing itself.

Worth checking out.

What is certain is that the struggle to get these things that, so I believe, cause happiness or the rejection of these things that, so I believe,  cause me suffering, 

the struggle itself undoubtedly leaves me empty many times.

And if we’re really honest with ourselves, then we must admit to have quite a few of these little struggles during the day, where maybe people don’t behave exactly the way we’d like them to, or the conditions aren’t what we wanted them to be, and it can be really exhausting, if I do spend my day struggling with all of these.

So what am I actually saying? That I shouldn’t strive to change things I don’t like in my life?

That I offer a defeatist worldview?

Definitely not.

There are times when it is necessary to stand up and take action to change the situation, and even if it is not necessary, there is nothing wrong with wanting things to be different.

I only suggest that we do it intelligently, consciously, so that we don’t spend our lives in continuous resistance to what life brings our way.

I suggest an attitude which allows acceptance of the whole range of life’s experiences – because they are all part of the journey.

And here, too, there is a chance that things might trigger some resistance at first, try it for a moment, it is always possible to return to your traditional worldview.

It seems that refusing to accept reality as it appears at the present moment may not be the advisable decision to make.

First, the war with what is – is often useless. 

And so, for example,  we might find ourselves getting frustrated with people and trying to change their behavior when, in most cases, they are who they are, and they are not always willing to change according to our wishes – just as we ourselves are reluctant to change according to the wishes of others. 

In addition, the only real constant in our lives is change. 

Our current life conditions are not guaranteed to remain, and situations we have not faced in the past might (and will) appear and require our adaptation to them. Consider aging. 

So a worldview which accepts this nature of life as everchanging is healthy not only towards major life changes but also towards our day to day reality and the various encounters it offers.

And beyond that, life is not meant to cooperate with our plans. There is no contract signed with us when we come into the world that guarantees us that things will always go the way we want. Accepting it to work this way is a recipe for misery. And isn’t it exactly what we do when we resist discomforts?

This is not the main purpose of this life.

And you know, sometimes life cooperates with our desires and when they do cooperate – we develop a grip. 

That is, it may seem to us that we do manage to direct our lives, and that is wonderful! It is.

As long as we do not develop a grip on the belief that this must be so or we will be unhappy.

And it doesn’t mean that I have to love what is, or not do things in order to change what is – in the future.

There are situations in life that are not pleasant for us and that we want to change. 

But the truth is that

In order to really change, I must start with accepting the current situation, for all its complexity.

Acceptance is a very active process, there is nothing passive about it. This is not a passive surrender but an active recognition of the fact that things are the way they are, and sometimes they are not the way we want them to be.

Acceptance does not mean that we cannot act to change the world or our circumstances, but it does mean that unless we accept things as they are, we will try to force things to be what they are not, and this can create a great difficulty.

If we recognize reality as it is, then we have the ability to deal with the situation wisely, to change our attitude towards what is happening in a way that can be significantly healing and transformative.

But without accepting the situation as it is, it will be difficult to know where we stand. And without knowing where we stand, it’s hard to take the right first step.

The energy wasted on fighting what is, on the frustration, the anger, this frustrating energy can be channeled into productive places.

There are things that are very difficult to accept, such as when a person experiences great pain, a significant loss or other difficult events that life sometimes throws our way..

There are many ways to work with pain, but the first step is to accept it – which is very difficult to do when one is suffering – but is actually a gateway to freedom from suffering.

So what do we offer?

As always, the first step is conscious attention, mindfulness.

Mindfulness is about compassionate, benevolent, and accepting attention to myself and to everything that appears in my world in the present moment.

And as mentioned, it does not mean that I have to like everything that happens, or that everything that happens pleases me.

But I understand that life is not about jumping from one pleasant moment to another, but a journey that embraces a range of experiences, feelings, events, and all of them can be used by me to develop into my higher self. The one who, at the end of the day is not only reactive, and is not overwhelmed by events external to it.

And the key to this development is being present in the here and now. A compassionate, accepting, wise presence.

This is not a simple practice, in fact, it is perhaps one of the more difficult practices for us.

But here too, the way our consciousness works comes to the rescue.

Every time we do something, we strengthen our tendency to do it, so that next time it will be easier, and then even easier,

Until it becomes who we are – acceptance and love.