We’re all familiar with it: we carry a certain habit with us for years. Maybe it’s a pattern of procrastination, unnecessary eating in front of a screen, anger that erupts at the wrong moment, or an inability to let go of a small addiction. We try again and again to change—sometimes by force, sometimes gently—yet we find ourselves returning to the same place.
From a typical point of view, bad habits seem to prove something about us: that we are weak, not good enough, or lack discipline. But there is another way to see things—a compassionate, profound, and surprising way.
Wholeness as a Starting Point
Imagine an angel looking at you. From her perspective, you are already whole just as you are. There is nothing missing from your essence. Beneath every storm, every mistake, every lack of control, there is a clean, wise, loving light within you.
When we adopt this perspective, we stop fighting ourselves as if we were “broken” or “defective.” Bad habits don’t erase the good within us; they simply rise to the surface, like clouds passing in the sky.
When we say, “I am already whole,” it’s not just a theoretical or psychological statement, but a deep testimony to the structure of existence.
In Buddhism, they speak of “Buddha nature.” Every spiritual tradition has a different name for the same essence. This means that Buddha nature is present in each and every one of us—a primordial quality of clarity, compassion, and infinite openness. It’s not something we acquire; it’s already here. The habits, impulses, and preferences all occur within this field but cannot harm it. Moreover, any perception of oneself as anything less than perfectly good is acquired and learned. Just look at a baby before it starts the process of “learning.” The moment you touch this truth, even for a second, a sense of relief arises: there is nothing to prove and nothing to fundamentally fix about who I am.
You can think of it like clouds in the sky—and this is indeed a well-known metaphor in mindfulness. Think of yourself as the sky: open, spacious, and bright. Habits are clouds—sometimes dark, sometimes stormy—that pass through the sky. The sky is not damaged by the clouds, but when the clouds are thick, they obscure the light. Seeing yourself as the “sky” means knowing that at your core there is clarity; seeing the habit as a “cloud” means you stop defining yourself by that action.
The common mistake is to think that wholeness is a future destination—something you’ll achieve after completing a practice, fixing yourself, or getting rid of habits. But wholeness is revealed only in the present moment. Even if there is desire, confusion, or an urge right now, in this very moment, there is wholeness. It’s a paradox: you can feel “not okay” and simultaneously know that your foundation is eternally whole.
When I see myself as whole, it’s not about suppressing the painful parts of me—it is precisely the ability to contain them. The shadows, the habits, the “weaknesses” become part of the complete fabric. They are not an enemy to be cast away but an expression of energy that can become a path.
How?
Seeing the Habit Differently
If you look at yourself as someone who is already whole, the bad habit stops being “evidence of failure.” It becomes an invitation: an invitation to know yourself better, to pay attention to what is happening inside, and to discover what’s possible when you choose differently.
Instead of thinking, “I’ve fallen again,” you can ask:
- What is appearing within me right now?
- What energy is here that could possibly be turned into something good?
- How can I look at this with compassionate, non-judgmental eyes?
Then I Can Start to See the Habit as a Solution, Not Just a Problem
Bad habits are usually born in response to a need: comfort, escape, emotional connection, calming, or alleviating boredom. They were valid—they were a technique that worked for you in the past. The problem is that what worked back then no longer serves your life today or is causing harm. This insight is great because it neutralizes judgment: the habit isn’t “bad”—it’s a mechanism seeking satisfaction.
And then I move to a process of acknowledging and identifying what is in my consciousness, rather than another failed attempt to suppress what I no longer want.
The difference between suppression and conscious acknowledgment is immense. When a habit appears and you recognize it as a “movement” within consciousness—without an immediate reaction—a small gap is created. This gap is the space of choice. It doesn’t mean the habit will disappear immediately; it means it no longer automatically controls you. This recognition is the fundamental skill: not to get confused and identify with the impulse.
Moreover, if we think of habits as energy, we can ask: Where does it want to go? What is it trying to achieve? This way releases guilt and allows that same energy to become a tool—not to suppress, but to transform. Thus, attraction, desire, or anger can become fuel for a good action when we give them a clear direction.
It is important to understand that when we said, “you are already whole,” it was not to provide an excuse for harmful actions. On the contrary—this perspective increases responsibility. Why? Because when there is no heavy feeling of shame that kills all your energy, there is space for experimentation, correction, and self-love. This quiet allows you to choose again instead of acting out of impulse and anxiety. In other words: inner wholeness is not permission to continue a habit; it is a gift that gives you the strength to try again without humiliation.
Mindfulness as a Tool to Discover Wholeness
Mindfulness is the practical way to turn this knowledge into an ongoing experience.
1. Attention as Seeing, Not Judging
In mindfulness practice, we pay attention—to the breath, a sensation, a thought. Not to fix it, but to know it. When a habit appears, mindfulness says: “I see you. You, too, are part of this space.” The very act of non-judgmental recognition is an act of self-love and acknowledgment of the wholeness that is present.
2. Creating a Gap
Impulse usually sweeps you away. Mindfulness creates a gap between the impulse and the action. In this gap, freedom is revealed. It’s not a fight against the habit but a gentle observation that allows freedom to appear.
3. Discovering the Raw Experience Behind the Habit
When we are present with habits gently, we discover that the urge is actually raw energy—desire, sadness, loneliness, a search for connection. Mindfulness allows us to feel the experience directly, without telling a story about it, and then to see that it is, itself, fleeting, open, and not solid.
4. Presence as an Experience of Wholeness
In a deep sense, mindfulness is not just a technique but the very discovery of wholeness in the moment. Because to be here and now without running away—that is wholeness. You don’t have to be different; presence itself is the promised wholeness.
In other words:
- Philosophy says: You are already whole.
- Mindfulness reveals: Here—it’s true right now.
In Conclusion
Changing habits is a challenge, but it is not a test of your worth. When we learn to look at ourselves through the eyes of an angel—eyes that see wholeness, even within our mistakes—we discover that there is another way to change.
It’s not through fighting ourselves but through love. Not out of fear but out of trust in our essence.
And when you change from this place, every small step becomes a great victory.
Mindful Education 