Let’s talk for a moment about this feeling, familiar to so many of us (even if for some, it remains unspoken): we walk into a room, a work meeting, or even a social gathering, and immediately this uncontrollable urge arises – to prove that we are smart. That we are talented. That we are “on top of it.”
We feel the need to show how exceptional we are, how vast our knowledge is, or how brilliant our performance can be. Usually, we call this “pride” or “ego,” and sometimes we even get angry at ourselves for it. We ask ourselves: “Why do I always have to impress?”, “Why can’t I just be?”.
But what if we discover that this pride isn’t at all what we thought? What if we realize it’s not arrogance, but simply the armor we built for ourselves in order to survive?
When We Had to “Earn” Our Place
Somehow, it seems that growing up, we didn’t always feel that love and security were a given. Even if we didn’t grow up in chaos, or alongside parents who couldn’t provide what we needed, it’s likely we simply learned too early that the world values us only by “what we do” and not by “who we are.” Because this is the world we live in – it values measurable achievements.
And so, we learned that there is a direct correlation between our excellence and our sense of self-worth. We discovered that if we were the best students, if we understood everything the fastest, if we were the ones who always had the answer – we would get the attention and appreciation we so desperately needed.
Without any intention of causing harm, Mom and Dad were incredibly proud of us when we shared a brilliant thought or reached an impressive milestone. And if we’re honest, don’t we do the exact same thing with our own children?
Our minds became our sanctuary. Our talent became our entry ticket into the adult world. We learned that if we were brilliant enough, no one could hurt us, and maybe – just maybe – we would finally be seen.
But this means we have to be “on it” non-stop. Just “being” is no longer enough.
The Knight in Shining Armor
As grown adults, we carry this armor with us everywhere. We put on a “persona” – a mask of a strong, all-knowing person, one whose chest is puffed out and head is held high.
It’s important to understand: this armor isn’t meant to belittle or control others. It’s there to protect us. Beneath the shiny helmet and the profound knowledge still stands that same scared little boy or girl who believes that if they stop being special, talented, or useful – they will simply disappear. Our deepest fear is that if we aren’t a source of admiration, we’ll become invisible. That if we don’t have “added value” to offer, no one will choose to be around us. And why would they?
What Happens When the Armor Becomes a Prison?
This armor has served us faithfully. It helped us succeed, achieve our goals, and survive difficult moments. It deserves our gratitude. But the problem is that over time, the armor starts to weigh us down. It creates a distance between us and the world.
When we show up to a gathering wrapped in the need to impress, we might gain admiration from afar, but we remain lonely. We can’t truly be loved when we’re hidden behind achievements and titles. Our hearts can’t be touched when they are protected by walls of “expertise.”
Our first step toward true freedom is agreeing, slowly and with immense compassion, to let go of the need to be “special.” This means daring to show up to an encounter without bringing our “credentials” with us. Agreeing to be “just us,” without knowing everything and without solving every problem.
This is our journey: to discover that we are allowed to be loved simply because we exist, and not because of how brilliant we are.
Are you ready to join me?
Mindful Education 